Paradox: one (as a person, situation, or action) having seemingly contradictory qualities or phases
…or maybe Ironic (incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result).
For over the past week I’ve experienced random realizations, borderline epiphanies. I’m sure you’re probably thinking, “So what,” but I need to purge these thoughts for my own benefit. I admit, it started with the series of reflections, or justifications, I had to write for my second teaching benchmark. I also wonder if it’s because I shared these papers with someone who I truly respect, but really do not know all that well. Therefore, in relation to this person and their mixed messages or actions, I’m feeling rather exposed…this space/page has become the ‘go-to-friend’ to discuss these sorts of things – the tough conversations I’m not sure (actually know) specific people in my life are not always ready to understand or truly hear.
…Well, here’s the best irony of all. I’ve just sat here for the past forty minutes typing and retyping the chain of events I cannot rationalize and I’ve deleted it, the entire thing. All I can say is that I had the best intentions, trying to do yet another kind thing to help. I suppose I should be thankful that I returned home with the deed undone; his harsh words are a constant reminder of what I feel are my greatest failures as a parent. Needless to say, I love my son dearly, but I’m terribly disappointed, actually hurt by his actions and words. I’m at a loss as to how to proactively resolve this situation. At this moment, I am looking forward to December first, and the return of peace to my home, more than I can believe.
How is that he has lost his sense of gratitude and forgiveness? He’s too young to have a soul that’s so hardened.
How do I help him realize that, “It is gratefulness which makes the soul great.” – Abraham Joshua Heschel
